Smuzzed

Presumably to pitch their own reality show considering just last week she was pregnant with a baby that literally anybody could’ve been the father of, Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley were spotted shopping for a “promise ring” over the weekend at Kay Jewelers. Of course, the whole thing would’ve looked less staged if Gary didn’t Read More …

Since its Friday, we decided to go ahead and shoot you in the eyes since you have all weekend to recover, so here’s Gary Shirley, baby daddy to Amber Portwood and basically the perfect specimen of masculine perfection. Because what better use for sudden wealth than low-rise jeans, graphic tees and a Dodge Avenger? It’s Read More …

See that face? That’s why you always wear a condom. Even if you’re married.
Earlier in the month it was reported that Teen Mom Amber Portwood decided it’d be a smart idea to assault Gary Shirley again while she’s currently facing felony charges for beating him in front of an entire MTV audience and more importantly Read More …

If you get a makeover just for your mugshot, you might be a redneck.
Teen Mom star Amber Portwood was arrested on Monday for beating Gary Shirley in front of their toddler daughter while MTV filmed the entire incident and/or possibly orchestrated it. People reports:
“Domestic battery has an automatic 24 hold,” an officer at the Madison Read More …

Seen here presumably having the very epiphany that spawned this post, Teen Mom Amber Portwood is now trying to claim MTV paid her $1,000 to assault Gary Shirley in front of their daughter to add more drama to the show. The National Enquirer reports:
But Amber insists the violence was all a ruse and that show Read More …

When we last left Teen Mom star Amber Portwood at the beginning of the month, child services had just let her have her daughter Leah back which only further proved their mission statement is, “If it came out of your uterus, we’ll you give another chance to kill it.” Since then, she’s managed to fuck Read More …