Smuzzed

- Celine Dion’s breasts are the fountain of youth.
- Rebecca Black “performs” on The Tonight Show.
- Every Spice Girl is knocked up now.
- Selena Gomez is playing a dangerous game here.
- This may not have been what Elizabeth Taylor had in mind.
- Allan Ball is a shitty Read More …

- Celine Dion’s breasts are the fountain of youth.
- Rebecca Black “performs” on The Tonight Show.
- Every Spice Girl is knocked up now.
- Selena Gomez is playing a dangerous game here.
- This may not have been what Elizabeth Taylor had in mind.
- Allan Ball is a shitty Read More …

Taking time off from buying penis gummies to presumably throw in Tom Cruise’s face and call him a “faggot” (Kids are so cute.), here’s Suri Cruise letting the paparazzi know exactly who runs shit at Casa Xenu and it ain’t Midget Dad or Zombie Mom.
SURI: Why don’t you two kiss like other mommies and daddies?
TOM: Read More …

Here’s Katie Holmes at Fashion Week in Milan this morning where her mother Kathleen gave a shockingly accurate peek into Katie’s future along with demonstrating the face she made after her first heart-to-heart with Tom Cruise.
TOM: So basically you need to look the other way and pretend two males aren’t having sex.
KATHLEEN: Oh, dearie, I Read More …

As more and more reports of The Church of Scientology engaging in slave labor come out, not to mention hilarious rubbing anecdotes, a former member has come forward with his experience building luxury vehicles for Tom Cruise after being told it was for “the betterment of mankind.” RadarOnline reports:
Brosseau, the former brother-in-law of church leader Read More …

Found one.
In a 28-page interview to be published in The New Yorker, director Paul Haggis, who recently severed ties with Scientology, reveals the church is under investigation by the FBI for “human trafficking.” More specifically, slave labor which I’m going to assume involves official documentation of Tom Cruise’s secret fortress that until now has only Read More …

Katie Holmes appears in the newest Ann Taylor campaign after replacing supermodel Heidi Klum which makes this the most ridiculous sentence I’ve ever written in my life. After this one: Vagina waffles. Now, don’t get me wrong, Katie looks good, but that’s also thanks to professional lighting and make-up which still can’t put a soul Read More …

It’s always the children who suffer the most…
Sometimes there’s a story I know is completely bullshit – And even worse, comes from Star, so there’s no possible way it could be based in reality. – but I post it anyway in the hopes it will become true and make the world exactly as I envision Read More …

The highly publicized miniseries The Kennedys, starring Katie Holmes as Jackie Onassis and Greg Kinnear as John F. Kennedy, has been canceled by The History Channel after deeming it historically inaccurate despite previously claiming their own history experts vetted the controversial script before filming. The Hollywood Reporter reports:
“Upon completion of the production of The Kennedys, Read More …