Smuzzed

Snooki seems to have spent all last week taking a vacation from her arduous life of being filmed on vacation because here she is in Hawaii after exposing Vegas to her eight-foot long ass-crack. Which is actually impressive for a person small enough to qualify as a carry-on.
“She’s more ass-crack now than woman, twisted Read More …

Taking the old adage of surrounding yourself with women less attractive than you to a whole new extreme, Snooki hosted a pool party at Wet Republic in Vegas over the weekend where her bikini fought a losing battle with her ass, leaving nothing but death and carnage in its wake. Nuclear scientists are looking at Read More …

She really, really shouldn’t have.
Sticking closely to the MTV Reality Star Playbook, here’s Snooki and her new boyfriend Jionni LaValle posing for a Valentine’s-themed photo shoot and this guy seriously deserves an Olympic medal in gold-digging. Try telling a seasoned digger their next mark is a bear cub with a spastic colon, and they’ll look Read More …

So that’s what the can of Pringles is for…
When she’s not revealing how often she “shits her pants,” Snooki wants Jersey Shore viewers to know she also spends a lot of time masturbating which is incredible considering how sexy she is. And did I mention the pants shitting? RadarOnline reports:
The bombshell came out when Snooki, Read More …

Seen here spraying her Ewok juices all over our nation’s proud naval tradition, Snooki and JWoww apparently have a spin-off in the works that continues the successful Jersey Shore theme of, “Everyone on this show is fucking retarded and a horrible blight upon society.” Which now that I think about it, also applies to Teen Read More …

When she’s not literally taking a shit on cable television and/or talking about how often she shits, the perfect woman basically, Snooki is climbing the New York Times Bestseller list. Or at least that’s what she claims on Twitter:
OMG I’m a New York Times Best Selling Author!!! Thank you so much to my fans, family Read More …

Instead of contacting child services like a responsible adult, JWoww decided to retweet this photo of three young, impressionable children dressed up like the cast of Jersey Shore. Then again, I probably shouldn’t rule out that this is actually Snooki considering she looks to be about the same height. No, wait, that’s not cool. Now Read More …

Paving the way for her to finally be called, “Shitty Wicket,” Snooki is reportedly tired of her famous nickname and wants to go back to whatever the hell her real name is. Snooktopher? Via the AP:
The reality TV star says the moniker that helped make her famous has gotten a little old and she misses Read More …

To promote her book, “A Shore Thing,” Snooki appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres show today (above), and the good people at Warner Bros. were kind enough to send me over an excerpt of their conversation. What follows is pretty much everything you’d expect from an alcoholic midget who somehow keeps being shoved in front of Read More …

(Actual cover.)
The New York Post got a hold of excerpts from Snooki’s new book “A Shore Thing” which reads exactly like the epic tome you’d expect from someone who’s only read two books in her life – “Twilight” and “Dear John.” So right away I’m already impressed the entire thing isn’t nothing but photocopied STD Read More …